*This article is purely satirical. Read at your own risk. Please, do not do ANYTHING listed in this article—it is purely included for comedic purposes. I recognize that this is a difficult period for all of us, and I hope this article makes you chuckle just a little bit. We could use some humor 🙂
Listen. It may be only April but I think I have heard people say the word “coronavirus” more than I have heard people say my name. Ever. Considering it is causing a world pandemic and all, I understand that we may have become obsessed. But too much obsession in life is never a good thing. If you are like me and wish that this entire coronavirus thing would just go away, you are in luck. So here are some tips on how to forget that coronavirus even exists.
Play your sport! If you are a passionate athlete like me, your sport gives you comfort, happiness, and most importantly, justification for your trashy eating habits. So at a time like this, what better to do than break into your local fitness center and swim a few laps? You will feel so drained after your workout (or you will most likely drain yourself running from the county police) that all thoughts of the virus will just slip away.
Hang out with friends! Love and support from a good group of people is a remedy for anything. So, in order to forget, I like to invite my large group of friends over to play cards, binge Netflix shows, rainbow loom (we are bringing it back, folks!), and just talk about life. Their presence brings me so much joy, and I can assure you that hugging and holding hands with your closest buddies will wipe corona from your memory.
One of the best ways to forget about something is to run away from it. Literally. So, pack your bags and buy a plane ticket! The prices are so low and lines are so short, you will be able to do almost anything with zero wait-time! See the Eiffel Tower! The London Eye! The Great Pyramids! Corona will become nothing more than a beer brand as you sightsee your way across the world.
This one is one of my favorites. Skip school! Take some time away from the hustle and bustle of high school classes and extracurriculars to unwind. Read an entire library. Finish everything on Hulu. Do workouts until you have achieved your favorite look. Bake 17 wedding cakes. Write an entire novel. The best part about skipping school is that you have all of this free time to suddenly become extremely productive. Don’t waste it! But keep in mind that if you choose to take this tip, the world expects you to have something to show for it!
I hope these tips help you leave corona in the past. I am confident that if we all take action like this, we will not even have to forget about corona—it will just stop existing all together! Good luck everyone, and stay dangerous! All jokes aside, if you are eager to be able to do all of these things, then you need to social distance and stay safe so we can really leave COVID-19 in the past. We can do this.