As the youngest of three, I am used to chaos. The chatter of voices, the scratch of pencils on paper, the blare of music—it’s been my normal since the day I was born. My older sisters have coddled and scolded me, smothered and protected me, annoyed and been annoyed by me all my life.
My oldest sister used to be my mini parent, helping me with my homework and picking me up from the bus stop when my parents couldn’t make it. My other sister was my best friend, the one I confided in and joked with.
My oldest sister was a master of sarcasm, my other sister a jokester. And I was, unfortunately, the oblivious one. Together we were a dynamic trio and we were inseparable. We did everything together; we ate together, played together, got into trouble together. We were three peas in a pod, three sides of the same coin (yes, three), three thirds of the same perfectly imperfect whole.
In fifth grade, that all changed. My oldest sister left for college, changing my life as I knew it. As the door shut behind her, silence reigned. It felt as if my world turned upside down and inside out.
It took quite some time to adjust to the new dynamic. Every day, I’d hurry home, thinking my oldest sister was waiting for me. When I did my homework, I still expected to have her to turn to for help. It felt weird and confusing and just plain wrong to not see her anymore. More than that, I just missed laughing with her, being with her. Talking on the phone was simply not the same.
My sister leaving for college forced me and my other sister to grow up faster. We had to learn how to better manage our time, to get our homework done without outside help when our parents were busy. The dinner table had one less person, the dynamic trio one person short.
But after the initial adjustment, I was able to move forward. As I put in more effort to talk to my oldest sister, the phone conversations that were once stilted and awkward began to feel normal again. We began to feel normal again. Sure, it wasn’t the same as it was before, but we were able to build a new normal together, something that felt right.
My oldest sister leaving helped me become closer to my other sister as well. Now, she was the one to help me with my homework. She was the one to walk home with me from the bus stop. We began to spend more time together, talking to each other about our school days, watching funny YouTube videos, just joking and laughing together.
Now, we are inseparable. She is the first person I talk to in the morning and the last person I talk to at night. She is my role model and my confidant, my partner in crime and my voice of reason, the keeper and spiller of my secrets.
As she too prepares to leave for college, I know it will be hard. I know I will have to learn to adjust to a new routine without her. But looking back, I don’t remember how scary the idea of my oldest sister leaving was. I don’t remember the awkward conversations or the eerie silences. I remember the laughter, the fond memories we shared. Our bond didn’t disappear; we just had to adapt a little. And it left me room to have different opportunities, to make new memories I wouldn’t have otherwise. In the future, things will undoubtedly be different without my other sister, but with some time, I know I can adjust to her leaving too.
My life may have started as chaos, but that doesn’t mean it will always be that way. Even so, I know the future will not be as bad as it seems. At the end of the day, I am just lucky to have had the chance to spend time with both of my amazing older sisters.
