As the end of the year comes things start to settle down. Teachers finish up last minute chapters, school rules seem to ease, and summer is in the very near future. But exams.

Sometimes I feel like I do not work hard enough. I am not smart enough. I hear how some people only have to take one exam. They are also quick to explain that it is a semester class so they could not be exempt from it. (The underlying statement here being if they could, they would have qualified.)

Here I was excited that I only had to take three. I really took four because I had an AP exam earlier. I was exempt from choir, journalism, and study hall. I still have to take all my core classes.

So instead of thinking “Wow, I am doing pretty well.” What do I think now? “What am I doing wrong?” Sometimes I wonder if everyone’s life is easier than my own. Then I laugh at myself. No.

In fact, I have it pretty good. I only have to take three exams! Am I a straight A student? No. However, I am afraid of letting people know this. Everyone else seems to get those geometry proofs, everyone else has their points all laid out for the debates, everyone else knows when the Renaissance began…..

So then I take a deep breath. I take a walk with my dog. I read a book. And yes, sometimes I throw a pity party. Then I pick up the pencil and try the geometry proof again. I research for more points. I look up when the Renaissance was. (It began in the 1500s.) There, now I know.

There is always going to be someone prettier than you. There is always going to be someone smarter than you. There is always going to be someone who seems somehow better than you. But do you really think anyone has their life fully together? Do you think there is someone out there who never second guesses themselves, never feels self-conscious, and never feels lonely? Because that is not true.

We all wear masks, myself included. We all want to act, really want to believe we have our life together. This is an all new me. I will get amazing grades, be the perfect daughter, get into the perfect job and have my overall dream life.

All of us are imperfect. Struggling. All of us wonder, “How is this so hard for me? How is everyone else getting this? What is wrong with me?”

Just take a deep breath. Forget about exams. Forget about that final math test. Do not forget about you.